In every journey, the traveler must ask:
was the right path taken?
Many roads are long and winding, filled with those who have lost their way.
Some forge their own course, guided by faith, seeking not a location, but a kindred soul.
Others step together, finding safety in the arms of another.
A few remove themselves from the trail to avoid the path of temptation.
But those who watch the track too closely fail to see where it led them, and are often all too surprised by their destination.
Months back, I got the honor to watch the online version of Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture. The lecture was about the journey of a great man who was proud that he had made it possible to achieve his childhood dreams.
"Well he is a professor, an intellectual personality who can dream and make them a reality", I said to myself.
"No, thats a lame excuse, a silly excuse to escape your own reality", my conscience jumped in and brought me to a pondering state.
"What were my dreams ? What steps did I take to achieve them? Did I really achieve them? or Did I backed off and run like I always do?", My conscience bombarded me with tough questions and I HAD to answer them.
Yes, I admit (rather confess) that I as a child had my own ambitions, Though I never claimed that they ever existed (not even to my mom). People (relatives, teachers and sometime even strangers) who used to take me as a nerdy looking mummy-daddy type of kid used to ask me "kyun chotay mian, baday ho kar kia bano ge?" and I would just keep quiet and migh occasionally smile at them.
As a little kid, the biggest ambition that i think I ever had was to be superior than my class mates, and that NEVER to fail in any exam that the school conducted. (A typical child’s dream when failing in exam was considered a matter of ultimate disgrace)
Achieving that dream would require me to study more and study hard… I did my part and eventually i was through school as one of the better students (if not the uber-elite). — Objective Achieved.
Another one of my childhood dream was to be an astronaut and explore galaxies in my space ship. That was a real dream whose reality i am still unable to sort out. First of all, we dont’ have necessary educational or practical infrastructure to ever prepare any astronaut. So, that remained a dream till the time of this writing.
And yeah, I also wanted to be a fighter pilot (I will discuss this dream in a bit).
Soon, school was gone. College began. Dreams evolved and so did I. Due to my interested towards Mathematics, I started to dream about getting into some engineering university. Unfortunately, that was just a dream and remained a dream. My lazy self started to kick in and i didn’t study when it was needed the most. Soon I was through with college but the future seemed bleak the dream was broken.
Then perhaps the biggest dream of my life… my career. was to join the Armed Forces. Being a typical lazy couch potato would take me nowhere but to the couch. I tried for that dream (another reason for trying hard was that i knew i was never gonna make it to an engineering university), That was perhaps the only part of my life when i pushed myself beyond the limits of my body (of course, I am exaggerating). I took the first chance, Failed in the final tests. A year later I appeared again, Failed again……..
That night, I cried. Everyone does when your biggest dream comes crumbling down into your feet. That was a dead end for me. No engineering, No Armed forces….. You are one big fucking loser, Burhan.
That was perhaps the time when i decided to grow up and do something than to dream. So, I started to take life as it came to me. The age of the dreaming had ended.
So, that was a little account of my childhood dreams. From the looks of it, its a very sorry tale. Now coming to the causes that made me fail…..
1 – Lack of vision
I lacked a vision from the very first day. What do you expect from a five year old when he is asked about his life’s ambition?
At least a statement of objective – no matter how stupid it sounds. My case was quite the contrary. I didn’t even bother to give an answer because I probably never had an ambition. I liked to take things as they were offered and this habit is still present in me.
Secondly, a lot of above mentioned dreams were perhaps more of "influenced dreams" than genuine ones. For example, Being an engineer, or a soldier or a fighter pilot were rather implanted into my head by my folks than by myself.
2 – No seriousness
Once I accepted that i need to go to a Engineering college or to the Military academy, I showed no proper interest in chasing after that dream. Dreams only become true for those who chase them. And i rather liked things to fall in my lap while I slept.
3 – Other Constraints
I could have gotten into an engineering college or to a aviation school on self-financed basis, but that requires finances which i or my parents never had. So, another barrier in achieving my goals.
Conclusion:
Most of my dreams were just dreams. The reality is quite different than what I once dreamt. And if I have to blame someone for the current reality, there is only one person and its ME.
If you need to achieve your dreams, plan properly.
Dream On!
P.S: I still dream, though their nature has changed. I now dream about getting filthy rich, hot babes and mega orgies :)…. Don’t worry, I don’t take these filthy dreams seriously, neither should you.
BURHAN AHMAD
Burhan: Rants and Beyond... 