That August, This August

28 08 2010

August 1947: Biggest exodus of its time by the people of sub-continent after the independence. With dreams of an apparent better lives for their future generations, hordes of people emigrated from all over the colonial India to what they now call Pakistan. These people knew that they had to abandon their life savings and their homes for the sake of fulfillment of dreams that their leaders had promised them. These people were lucky enough to have their leaders on their side to guide and motivate them during this great displacement of human beings.

August 2010: Biggest displacement of the people of Pakistan since Independence in 1947.This time its a displacement from one part of the country to another part of the country. The threat this time is not that of angry mobs of other races but the raging waters of the rivers that flow through the country. This time the poor people have left their homes and belongings only to be swept away by the currents. No dreams in their eyes, only hollow hope of survival, no leader to be found to motivate them coz they are rather enjoying their vacations abroad or too busy playing politics over the dying hopes of these poor countrymen.

1 – Why O’ Why?

Now that the floods have done their damage, delving into the root causes of this massive flooding takes us nowhere. Although me and lots of others like me would say something in lines of ‘climate change’ or ‘frozen jet stream above the atmosphere’ but the illiterate masses and the ruling elite and the ever-influential mulla have found a simpler answer to this probing question and their answer is the one word that is taught to a kid in Pakistan ever since he is born…. and the word is ‘God’.

So, they say ‘God sent this flood’ and then they forget everything after saying it.

Ok, I agree with you, God sent this flood and that He does everything for a reason and that a justifiable logic exists for every action of His. Have we ever thought what was the reason for this flooding? Certainly God didnt cause this flooding because He wanted our villages to have their very own water resort eh?

This very question – once asked from the people who seem to know best (the Mulla party) – resulted in answers representing two opposite poles of logic: One group says this flooding is because of our sins and because of prolonged ignorance towards their religious and moral duties.  However, the other group is of the opinion that this is a test, and only the faithful will pass this test.

I would like to wrap up God’s logic and move on by saying that If this is a result of our sins, then we are lucky enough to be sent just a flood. we-the pakis-the scums of this human civilization have gone to such level of moral degradation that we need a far worst punishment than just flood.

2 – Our Leaders, Our Sins

Now moving on….. Thanks to a large number of news channels and their constant race to break the news first, a lot of other controversies are being brought to light and they being related to the act of utter selfishness by the “leaders” of political parties (ruling and opposing parties combined). There are numerous reports of deliberate acts of breaching of banks of rivers and canals so that water can be diverted to poor villagers’ homes so that the mansions and factories and cultivated lands of these landlords and political bigwigs can be spared (again these leaders were publically thankful to ‘God’ for not causing the damage to their personal property). These acts of selfishness were not limited to a particular area or province but were noticed throughout the country thus proving the concept that no matter if you get into a public service role, your personal interest comes first than national interest. I sometimes wonder that if there exists such a thing as God’s wrath, then these ruling elite will experience such a severe punishment that we the common people will forget our own misery. I wish… such thing existed. ah!
However our people are bigger jerks than existed anywhere. They voted to elect these people at the first place and even after being bitten times and times again, they will get bitten again. These people will forget their miseries and will again believe and cheer for the false promises that these political men will throw towards them…. and the vicious cycle will continue.

3 – A Friend in Need….
Apart from these stories, we Pakis tend to help each other in the time of need, and this behavior was observed this time as well (only not at a scale that people had expected from the fellow countrymen). Lots of local and international relief agencies are currently busy in relief activities and so is the Pakistani government (at least thats what they seem to claim). At every road we find a stall and a banner that asks the people from providing their support for the cause. However in my opinion, relief camps at every street is not a good sign at all. because:
1 – It symbolizes how much fragmented we are as a nation that we have decided to go our own way but to devise a strategy based upon consensus.
2 – The moral hazard exists about which organization or charity will provide our money to the needed people. The more the distributed ‘relief camps’ the more chances of these be used for personal gains instead of national/community benefit.
3 – Irrespective of the fact that we are sincerely trying to help our fellow countrymen, This very much signify that we have lost our faith in our government bodies or we would have rather donated to the PM relief program, haven’t we? But what i see from around here is that PM’s fund is not the ideal choice of charity. This is due to the sad truth that our government and its subsidiaries are mostly comprised of crooks who consider corruption as their inborn right and people suspect that their relief activities will end up nowhere but in their own offshore bank accounts.
Due to this distrust in others and fake belief in our own abilities, good legitimate charity organizations have felt the burnt of our distrust as well… the organizations who have all the necessary experience and motivation to help the people in need.

4 – Complications

Moving further to another section of this blog post, i am going to share my two cents on the apparent problems that have or may arise due to flood victims and relief workers. Since the victims have left their villages in search of safer grounds, they now reside at various makeshift camps without much belongings and knowledge of how to cope with this situation. Due to the unhygienic conditions and lack of available infrastructure the biggest problems faced by the victims are availability of food and healthcare services. We have already seen rising number of cholera, dysentery and skin disease patients in the camps. These diseases could result in epidemic proportions if not catered properly. In addition to this, we have also experienced brawls among the groups of victims during the distribution of rations. The animalistic instincts have started to dominate, and if the needs of these victims are not catered, the brawls would spread out in the streets as they will try to grab what they cannot obtain from the relief agencies. These needy people can easily fall victims of various terrorist recruiters who can use them for their chaotic activities.
Similar problems may face relief workers too. Although lots of us have jumped the wagon to provide relief but in reality we do not know the ABCs of relief work. The magnitude of this disaster is so huge that the faint hearted relief workers can easily lose heart and can become the part of the problem instead of being the part of the solution. We have also seen hundreds of foreign aid workers arrive in the country to help those in need. Although well experienced and equipped, they can be easily identified and targeted by the demented terror groups who would never like to miss this chance.. thus bringing more humiliation and isolation to the demented country.

Anyways, this post will keep on expanding its scope if i want to, so i would rather bring it to a halt.

Somehow life will continue. Waters will recede, some of the people might return homes to pick up the threads of a suspended life, some of the people will not return. What will remain with them is the memories of what they experienced… and we collectively can make these memories either pleasant or nightmarish.

P.S: In case you want to provide support to the flood victims, act wisely. Donate to only well known international organizations. In case you are supporting any neighborhood relief agency, then please see to it that your sincere contribution doesnt fall into the wrong hands (corrupt govt officials or terrorists).
For further information you can follow the #PkFloods hash tag on twitter.



Liberty of the nuts

14 08 2010

Azadi: “The feeling your balls get when you take off your underwear” –Anonymous.

Today is the Yaum-e-Azadi of Pakistan. And for a nation that is no better than a bunch of nuts, 14th
of August is a remembrance for a day that occurred 63 years ago when
these nuts were suddenly liberated from the tight shackle of the
underwear of colonial rule.

This nut nation has since then taken every advantage of being wild
and free. But a nut will always remain a nut and by that i mean it will
always remain dangling down someone else’s crotch.

Today while passing in front of mazar-e-quaid, I noticed it was a
festival there…. lots of school children were seen in the green fields
of the premises reminded me of their own lack of freedom on a day that
is being celebrated in the name of freedom. Those kids were denied a
holiday and were forced to be present by their respective schools
despite the fact that this is the goddamn liberty day. Poor kids, they
think that painting their face with national colors will mean that they
are on the top of the world and perhaps yelling national slogans on the
top of their voice still means that they have become invincible, but a
harsher reality awaits and this reality will reveal itself as you grow
up then you will realize that despite being born ‘free’, how much
imprisoned you are.

When I was a kid, we were kept under the delusion that our
forefathers were superheroes who fought hard under the dynamic
leadership of the greatest-leader-ever. However no one ever bothered to
tell us where did this ‘two-nation-theory’ (the very essence of
Pakistan’s existence) go wrong.

I simply have no other comment on this day but i will let them enjoy their nut-liberty for there aren’t much left for them.

Related Piece of Writings you might be interested in:

Pity the nation:

Dear Mr. Jinnah:

In the end, A greeting from our sponsors:

Sailab, Mehngai, Target Killing, Ghurbat, Bomb Blasts, Military
Operations, Load Shedding aur Terrorist Activities se bach jane walay
bhookay nangay sisakte Pakistanion ko Lado Marka Sabun ki taraf se Jashn-e-Azadi Mubarak….


7 08 2010

and with that the clock turned to a new day. Another weekend coming up, another night for me to stay awake for a little more and a perfect night for me to spend quality time with my own self. As it grew quite and dark, my conscience took over and thus began a quiet moment of pondering over the source code of my own life- the code that has been patched and executed for almost three decades.

Result of this ‘code-review’ activity? — I dont need a patch anymore. My life need a major fucking upgrade.

But wait, Didn’t i recently change my job? Yes, but its not about the job. Its about life in general….ummm…

Today, I stand in the middle of a dusty road. The road which i have trodden since i dont know when. I feel the burden of age over my shoulders. The burden that i have to carry till i die. With a blurry past, and unforeseeable future, i am hanging onto life – though admitting my shortcomings but never wanting to change what is wrong with me.

Just then, something inside of me laughs at me and asks: "where did it go wrong?"

sigh, its all so wrong that it doesn’t feel wrong anymore. I have lowered this bar and made the wrongs of my life as the new right to get a temporary self-assurance that i am still on the right track. But this again shall come to pass and i will again forget these occasional poking of my conscience as my work and depressing news on TV will divert my attention towards more short-term goals.

Then suddenly, One day i’m gonna wake up to realize that i have turned 50. Life as i knew it has already been a thing of past and these pangs of guilt will be my mate for evermore.
If you keep on hanging onto the thread just because you are waiting for the "right time", then i am afraid you will keep on hanging as "right time" is a relative term.

So, in short. whatever our excuse is, be it economy, health, security, or laziness… this excuse better justify our lack of action or we will eventually end up in the same rat race that millions of people around us are engaged into (these people around us are probably the reason behind us being so indecisive).

I would like to conclude with the statement that our destiny lies nowhere, but in our own actions.

and when all else fails, the greatest way to change your destiny is to dream (if you are still lucky enough to have them)

Call this gibberish reflections or the truth of life, you are not likely to understand these. because this crap makes sense only when it is coming out of your own head. and the older you get, the harsher the truth (of life) is.

Damn, and i miss my cigarettes today

Fresh out of a secret lab, I give you…..

5 08 2010

This post is inspired from a question somebody asked on twitter. I am not sure what were the exact wording of that question but it goes like: “Why have Pakistan named its missiles after the names of invaders. e.g. ‘Abdali’, ‘Ghouri’, ‘Babar’ etc…? Don’t they have their own heroes to name their WMDs after?”

Well, very intelligent question. A question that kept my mind spinning for quite some time and still i couldn’t think of anything that justifies this absurd naming convention used by our military top brass.Thus started the evil imagination factory in my head that produced the output which you are about to read. I apologize in advance if you are a fan of any of these “technologies” but this is a work of fiction and any co-incidence is just you and your stupid mind trying to correlate things 😀

What if I was heading a team of awesome rocket scientists in some hidden lab somewhere in Pakistan? (Pakistan and awesome rocket scientists??? ha-ha, you got to be kidding me, right?) then what would i have created and what would i have named them?

1 – A2Z Missile:
Unfortunately, due to apparent threats of being put behind bars for being a disgrace to his royal highness, i cannot say what A2Z mean. but its the Alpha n Omega of Pakistan as i type these lines. This missile is the flagship product of our missile lot and is routinely sent to air to test its flying abilities. Based upon the heat-seeking missile technology, the great aspect of this missile is that it goes after $$$. you throw a few bucks into the air and this missile will automatically swoosh into action and will seek them till it “gets” the target. With a massive 100% strike rate, this weapon is good for destroying not the physical infrastructure but the economic infrastructure of your enemy. Another great feature of this missile is its ability to camouflage itself. We added this feature after mutual discussion with our team who have used Nokia Phones for years and think that changing colorful skins on Nokia Phones is the greatest feature ever! so A2Z missile can change its skin. you can put on a coat-pant skin, you can put on a shalwar-kameez skin, you can put also use additional add-ons like sindhi topi, pagri, sherwani, rayban, gucci etc.
Due to its awesome strike rate, the enemies have started calling it ‘Kutta Missile’. (our intelligence boys are still trying to obtain information on why enemies call it kutta missile, we will keep you posted as we have any updates).

All in all, this indeed is a great piece of weaponry. We have used it on our selves, and are more than willing to use it on any other hostile nation.

2 – OBL Missile:
Named after a true Pakistani hero – Peer Ghayab hazrat 0sawa b!n Laden. This missile is based upon the stealth technology. We have developed it, and developed it with such a perfection that…. even our whole team doesn’t know where we put it. It has gone as if it never existed. Only blurred memories of its conception and occasional news of its recent strike remind us that we created it. Even though, we don’t know where it is, we still proudly call it as one of our creation and an integral part of our missile arsenal.

3- Mushi Missile:
The slogan of this missile is “Sab se Pehlay Pakistan” (Pakistan first) . As the name suggests, as we fire this baby into the air, the missile attacks Pakistan first. The primary targets of this missiles are mullas and ninja chicks. This missile can be remote controlled from places as far as Washington.

4 – Mehsud Missile:
The Mehsud missiles is actually a suite of missiles. They come in two flavors – B and H. Flavor ‘B’ is now obsolete version and is no longer in use. However, since ‘B’ . has been to such a service for this country, we cannot ignore it in our discussion. ‘B’ was one of the mightiest one in its time. Though a short range missile, it caused massive destruction wherever it struck. However it required regular body polishing and fin-massage and this was the reason enemies were able to strike it during mission and hence it was discontinued.
Flavor ‘H’ of Mehsud missiles is currently in production. It has all the positive features of ‘B’ version (i.e. short range, devastative) minus the polishing and massage requirements. Another great feature of this baby is that the missile sends such clues to the hostile forces that they remain under the suspicion that they have struck the missile during its mission – while in reality, the missile is just playing a dirty joke with them. Soon it gets out of hiding and ….bang!

5 – Sultan-Rahi Missile:
Perhaps the only All-Pakistani homemade missile. This missile can survive an onslaught of anti-missile weaponry for a perpetual period of time. You can invoke this missile just by a yell and it will cross all boundaries of speed (even the speed of light constant is a smaller scale of measuring its speed). You cannot lure it with sights of pretty female missiles or dancing booties. The howling voice of this weapon is so horrible that huge armies of enemies have peed their pants just listening to the sound of its approach.


That was just a brief feature-list of missiles produced in our secret underground labs. We will keep you posted on any new weapon that we create in the future.

As for the answer to the original question is concerned (see first line of blog post), i think we named our missiles after foreign invaders because we want our missiles to do the same what the invaders did to this land i.e. spread havoc and destruction.