From Mucus to Lousy Friends….

28 11 2006

The weather here is finally changing and i realized it when i started to cough and spit mucus this weekend. Adding to my worries that how am i gonna survive my exams which don’t seem to finish at all.

Two more exams have passed since my last post. the first one was of Marketing and i presented (actually invented) "NEW THEORIES" about how marketing is done and should be improved…. lolz . 20% was the target and i guess i made it around 25%. phew………

The next exam was of Math n Stat and i did that exam very comfortabily ( a great exam after such a long time). I will surely get around 80% marks in that one.

So, what else for the past weekend ???? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Yeah, i spent more money on total bullshit activities. A frined brought his car to office on friday and we guys took it for a long lunch after the Jumma prayers. Went to Hot n Spicy Restaurant in Clifton and enjoyed the shiny seaside eating our chicken cheezy rolls. yum yum yum!!! 😛

Then on saturday, i had to work as it was a normal day. but later on, i had to do some shopping (medicine actually) and then renewed my subscription of Spider Magazine which added more duzz to my already wrecked ass. and finally couldn’t keep myself away from buying a audio CD (MORE METAL STUFF) Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby! More pirated songs for my pleasure, this CD contained yet another album by Iron Maiden, Slayer, Mudvayne, Rammstein (man they are the coolest non-english metal band i had heard of) and Anthrax…

So, i have better plans for the coming weekend. I intend to meet two of my old classfellows who are living in Karachi. One of them would be the one whom i haven’t met for almost 10 years. – Damn, how are we gonna recognize each other ?… Thinking of recognizing someone- I see this guy everyday at my bus stop and its been almost two weeks that i have been encountering this dude and he reminds me of the oldest pal i every knew, the infamous "Wajja". I know it could never be any other than him but i am not initiating to ask him. If he doesn’t recognize me, there is no need to proceed and if he does, let him do this honor coz he was the one who turned down my friendly gupshup for the sake of his "Special Friends" (Coldn’t have been any other than some Big Assed SLUT).

Ok, seems like i am losing it… gotta cut this crap NOW!

till next time…. I disappear!





Pagada Still Young – and i mean it!!!

24 11 2006

22nd November is the birthday of Pakistan’s Famous ‘PIR PAGADA’.

This year he turned 77 years old… I wouldn’t even have bothered to mention it unless i had not read what the news article had said…. it goes like:

"PIR PAGADA AAJ APNI 77th AUR APNI BETI KI 1st SAALGIRA MANAIN GAY"

HOLY COWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Man, this guy is still a production machine… he’s 77 but still reproducing… Man, i wonder what kind of "Majoon" this guy eats…

and another thing, isn’t that a torture on his wife ? but nahhhhhh, these people marry a 17 year old even if they are 80 and on the death bed. so, everything OK!!!

So, with everything Ok, i have one message to him…. "mazay kar salay… mazay kar!!!"





1000 and Counting…

22 11 2006

On the past weekend, my Orkut scrapbook exceeded the 1000 scraps marks… it couldn’ t have been possible without the relentless wicked mentality of my cousin who scrap bombed me a couple of month ago and increased the count by 500 scraps overnight… All cheerz to Umer.

And the final blow was struck by my good old maddy whose scrap count was the highest (if considering the legal ones). He was also the same person who sent me the 1000th scrap.

"Is tarah hum bhee izzat daar tabqay main shaamil huay aur shahid afridi ki jarihana innings khel kar maashray main aala maqaam haasil kia."

So, i dedicate this post to all those people who contributed generously and helped me in achieving this target!

 

Yesterday, i had my first exam of Mid term at the university. Its been four years since i had completed my formal education and it looked so different to enter the room with a beating heart and the same wicked faced invigilators staring down at you like they are going to rip me apart.. The exam yesterday was of Financial Accounting and lasted for 60 minutes. Total marks were 40 and in order to survive till the final exams, i needed to get 8 (and thats what i had planned for, only 8 marks). So, the paper started and the objective part (15 marks) went so so, i would have made around 8 marks in that section.

The subjective marks contained 5 questions of 3 marks each, and i tried to solve them a bit and i hope that i would get around 8 to 9 marks of those 15.

The final big question was about creating a profit/loss account and a balance sheet and i blew it! i was doing pretty ok till the gross profit thing and i calculated the net profit quite nicely too, but then my confused mind said to me that i am doing it the wrong way and i messed up the formulas to derive the wrong results (bummer). Would consider myself lucky if the examiner even gives me 2 marks for attempting the question. 🙂

So, the next one is of Marketing and that subject makes me fall asleep whenever i try to read it….lets see what happens in that one..

Till then, adios!





The tale of two days

20 11 2006

Wuzzup Wuzzup! this is Johnny again back after a long weekend of  2 days and this time i have nothing important to tell just some crap from my mind.

Its been 4 days since i have been going to the GYM.. just out of no where i got this *bright* idea that i should join the gym to raise my *extra-ordinary fitness level*  but my hidden motive was to be famous among the chicks (if there are any vacant out there), to get those extra couple of seconds in a gal’s ratina. sssssshhh don’t tell anyone that i have joined the gym for the chicks.
Ok, back to the Gym – Now my shoulders and calves and neck is aching like i have been beaten up by a dozen men. last night while i was taking a bath (i was obvously naked during that time) i did looked myself in the mirror and did something. (oh yuck, that something was not masturbation — you filthy mind!!!) i poked my thighs and butts and calves and found that they looked slender (i guess that was just a psychological effect). So, i am ready for another kick ass week at the gym where my coach has warned me that this week will start with new exercises and tougher ones!

And guess what ? my mid term exam starts tomorrow on Tuesday! my first exam is Accounting and i know i will be having a tough time in these exams as i bought my books only two days ago :)…
I will have to cover up my studies and my work as the timings clash with my office work timings– Man O Man, i am screwed big time! I hope that i pass these exams with atleast 20% marks coz this is what the univesity requires me to obtain in mid term but i’ll have to do a lot better to get these 20%. So, i spent the weekend in buying books and then trying to study them. phew……….. i will have a party when these exams are over on the 7th of December.

More shit at work going on. as its the resignation season here. People found new and better opportunities and have opted to avail them. so, its a sort of enigneered chaos around here. (although the organization itself is progressing fine, but these attitudes cause people to lose heart). So, i have started to look around for a better opportunity myself but still no luck as yet!

Finally, yesterday night, i listened to my regular rock show on the radio and first time ever i requested a song via SMS. The song was Aero Smith’s "Dream On" coz Aero Smith were the artist of the week on the show. I was so proud when Al (the host) announced my name and said that this song is requested by "burhan" …. ahhhhhhhhhh  i wish i had recorded that moment on my mp3 player.     During that show, i also got the opportunity to listen to Chris Cornell’s   "You know my name" which is featured in the new James bond movie "Casino Royale". I wonder how good that movie is gonna be with a new face as the mighty James Bond 007. but the presenter of the show said that he had the similar feelings but he was fascinated by the performance and the movie. So, i gotta watch it ASAP.

 

Ok, man time to go for lunch… till next time . CYA!!!





AALMI Yaum e Bardaasht

16 11 2006

So, today i sthe international tolerance day. and i will tell you how am i tolerating my boss AKA "The Sponge Bob"

He thinks he is the God of the office (i bet he’s a bit right)

He blocked our internet access ….

He screens our mails (we learned the hard way)

He monitors the local chat history….

Man, he even tries us not to visit our co-workers…

but i am tolerating it… gotta tolerate till i find a way out or i decide that enuff is enuff!

so, i am celebrating the Yaum-e-Bardasht as a normal day..

how’s your day going on ???





Saturday today

11 11 2006

So, its saturday today. A weekend again and me at my office. We get alternate saturdays as a holiday and today happens to be the working saturday one.

We get free lunch on saturday (one of our co workers have to bring food from his home to feed us all), so as i wait for the mufta at my seat my tummy growls coz i just forgot to put my breakfast apple in my handbag. 😦

So, lets see what awaits me this evening … my party shoes are Ready by the way!





After “9 November ki Chutti”

10 11 2006

wuzzup niggaz!

Johnny is back after the 9 November ki chutti. Well, i have never loved Allama Iqbal that much.. but what he did to this nation is awesome! (he gave us a national holiday hahahah). I remember how we used to memorize (actually Ratta-fication was the correct word) essays about Allama Iqbal in our school life, and they all contained the words like…

"… unhon nay apni walwala-angez shaayri se murda qaum main josh o jazbay ki nai rooh phoonk di….."

"… aur apni shaairy se musalman qaum ko khwab – e – ghaflat se jagaya"

lolz…

Allama Iqbal wanted to focus on "Khoodi" word – Although I am still unable to figure out what the hell did that mean but i guess if i had realized the meaning of that word, i might have achieved much more in my life than to be a pethatic struggling loser.)

Ok, enough of Allama Iqbal for the day, otherwise i suspect that i myself would turn into a shaair (although i would prefer to do something as creative as the great Imam Din himself)

Now moving on, let me tell you what i did in that Chutti thing…

  • Slept till 10 AM. (a luxury, i don’t happen to get that often)
  • bought apples for my breakfast (1 kg would last a week)
  • did some studies (yup, those genes are still alive inside of me)
  • took a bath (finally)
  • went on a stroll and ended up at a CD stall. bought a pirated heavy metal collection CD (my beast will be calmed for a month or so) for Rs. 30 only with around 100+ tracks released within the current year. – From one song, I found the right kind of starting lines for my orkut profile.
  • later at night, i watched a movie "White Noise". Although the movie was released more than a year ago, i wasn’t able to see it at all. Found it very interesting and watched till the end. If you are into supernatural phenomenon movies, you better watch it!

and on the eve of the chutti (8th Nov, 2006), I listened to a great radio show. its called "The Fasih Zaka Show" on FM 91. Man, that guy is CRAZYYYYYYYYYYY and he simply rocks. its a talk show but an awesome one. really loved it and would be listening to it regularly.

 

Chalo yaar, its time to work coz i am at office. anyways, will blog on later.

CYA





LYRICS: Underwear goes inside the Pants

8 11 2006

It kept me laughing and thinking…. Very hilarious and deep thoughts!!!

ENJOY!

 

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what’s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We’re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we’re putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can’t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don’t even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I’m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids’ self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What’s going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don’t just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don’t you think?
They’re not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can’t I just:"
"Who’s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let’s face it: We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we’ll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How’d you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I’ll sit at a drive thru.
I’ll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There’s room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It’s only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there’d be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You’ll see. I’m going to take of the world of computers! I’ll show them."

We’re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He’s homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don’t you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date.
I’m predicting some problems during the interview process.
I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I’m sure it is on the books.





Interesting Finding about Orkut

8 11 2006

The following text has been copied and pasted into this blog from Yahoo Tech!
The source can be found at:
http://tech.yahoo.com/qa/20060910003444AAMA3aI

"Orkut is owned by Google – they own the intellectual property in its entirety, so any money Mr Orkut B… gets is money Google lets him have. The way they would create income would be by charging for putting ads on their pages – they would use (data-mine) the information that users put on their pages in order to better target the ads and therefore increase revenue ———————————————————————————- Here I received few facts about the person behind orkut. Dont miss to read the last one which I found after searching on net. This is the mastermind behind Orkut social networking community. Some facts about Orkut: 1) Orkut Buyukkokten(the creator of Orkut) gets $12 when every person registers to this website. 2) He also gets $10 when you add somebody as a friend. 3) He gets $8 when your friend’s friend adds you as a friend & gets $6 if anybody adds you as a friend in the resulting chain. 4) He gets $5 when you scrap somebody & $4 when somebody scraps you. 5) He also gets $200 for each photograph you upload on Orkut. 6) He gets $2.5 when you add your friend in the crush-list or in the hot-list. 7) He gets $2 when you become somebody’s fan. 8) He gets $1.5 when somebody else becomes your fan. 9) He even gets $1 every time you logout of Orkut. 10) He gets $0.5 every time you just change your profile-photograph. 11) He also gets $0.5 every time you read your friend’s scrap-book & $0.5 every time you view your friend’s friend-list. 12) Many Global Financial Consultants think this person might become the richest-person in the world by the end of 2009. 13) Finally, this is the best fact. This person has 13 assistants to monitor his scrapbook & 8 assistants to monitor his friends-list. He gets around 20,000 friend-requests a day & about 85,000 scraps a day. 14) A company named Affinity Engines that builds social networking products for universities (that just so happens to have been founded by Orkut Buyukkokten – the creator of orkut.com – quite interesting) is now suing Google for stealing their code."

 

 

So, Lets help Mr. Orkut earn more……………. Start Scrappin!!!!!!!!!!!





Crap from Here n There

7 11 2006

(written on Monday: 6-Nov)

I woke up late today with my Grandpa yelling ‘Hey you are not going to office today ?’

I looked at the wall clock, it said 8:40………….. ‘FUCK! I forgot to set my alarm clock today’, the voice inside of me yelled.

as i jumped from the bed, i realized that my neck is stiff, my shoulders are not being raised to their full length and one of my toe is aching. Well, that was the result of my last day’s activity when i posed to be a household electrician and fixed the TV remote, added two bulb shades on the ceiling and fixed a couple of other appliances. huh! so much for my lucky sunday!

Then came the washing time and bathing time and not to mention the shopping time. (this time i had to accompany the folks to some goddamn grocery store to get vegs, other shit items like meat and blah blah… man, my mom would have started jumping with joy if i had done those favors for her… Mama’s little *ANGEL!*)

The saturday was as lazy as ever. didn’t have anything to do at all. just fantasizing about things and people ;). i put everything to be done on Sunday – and you know what happened on sunday. so the whole weekend went in smoke. but late saturday night, a friend o mine and me managed to get together for dinner …….. and its good to meet with folks, they bring a smile on your face 🙂

Its been a week since i returned back from my vacation and the days whizzed past as they did during the vacation. never realized that they the weekend has come (and gone) that easily.

And so, i am planning to buy a computer at home so that i could now focus on some studies and some work. and i intend to get an internet connection in the mean time to start my long forgotten routine (babe, Johnny ain’t gonna give it up that easily!)

hmmmmmmmmm, what else to say now? yeah, forgot to mention about the final moments of life on the sunday night, listened to my fav. rock show "ROCK SWITCH" on City FM 89  to calm the beast inside! ahhh Death/Heavy metal really knocks me out.

And yeah, they have sentenced Saddam Hussain to death, well, he deserved it for what he did to his people. He became the president but thought he had become the God himself. (Nauz – o – Billah).

And one last thing, our country has bought its first ever cruise ship to be used for cruise trips for Dubai and our good old Mr. President went to the innaugural ceremony of the ship. I wonder whether it would be the Titanic of Pakistan ?
Hey, i have an idea. Why don’t you invite all those lousy politicians, MNAs/MPAs etc and take them to the cruise, and in the middle of nowhere, abandon them (or even sink the ship) to their fate!! hahahahahah Man, I am bad!!

Anyways, my crap for today is over. (so is the day at office) will have to wait for tomorrow so that internet access is opened and i could publish this entry.

Till then, CYA!

Johnny loves you all!