First ever Off Saturday: My thoughts

27 04 2010

Saturday- 24th of April, 2010.

The first ever official Saturday off in Pakistan on government level. First time ever, the government succumbed to the rising power shortage in the country and finally decided that common people should also have a day off.

I would have no issue over this historic day, but I HAVE ISSUES! and issues are related to work and nothing else. just trying to show-off our departmental head boasted to higher management that in order to finish this project on time, we will be working “FULL FCUKING WORKING DAY” on Saturdays too… and an even bigger sicko management gave their nod of approval.

While the rest of the organization was partying, congratulating and distributing sweets in anticipation of the forthcoming weekend, we were given the bad news by the managers that we gotta be present here tomorrow morning like any other day.

FFFFFUUUUUUU!!!

So, came the day… i quietly woke up, cursed my fucking life, looked up towards the sky and cursed whoever was out there… and prepared for getting to work.
Everybody else in our house was sleeping. We happen to have a full working house, everybody goes to work (except one) but that day, I had to unlock every single door of my house and step out. and gawd!!! that street was quiet…. it must have been same as it usually is on Sundays (but i never wake up this early on Sundays).

So, i reached the main road and it too was almost deserted. I crossed the busy road without having to worry about any incoming bus or car. Even the passing buses seem to be idling around in contrast to the F1 attitude these bus drivers show on any other working day. The bus i rode had half of its seats empty which caused me to curse my demented life once again.

Since it was a official holiday, we had to follow special protocols at work too i.e. additional security checks and filling your credentials in a fucking register justifying your reason why you are at work on a fucking weekend. all the time i was like: ‘huh! if those profit mongrel capitalist bosses would have given me a choice, i wouldn’t even be here’. while fumbling around with the register i didn’t know that i was taking some time and two chicks were waiting for their turn just behind me… (infact dangerously close behind me). When i finished signing my name there, i stepped back to turn around… and this is when i realized that i have stepped onto the bare feet of the woman standing behind me with all my mighty bulk. an unusual feeling under my shoes and an ‘ooooouuuuuuuUUUUUU’ sound informed me that i have stepped on to some woman’s feet (and probably cracked her foot nails) without any sense of remorse, i continued my stroll towards my room and never looked back.  I thought about saying sorry but why should I be sorry? if she liked my perfume so much then she would have smelled me by lots of other ways, all she had to do was to give me a sign and i would have poured the whole bottle on me to oblige. walking stealthily to one’s ass in order to smell one’s armpits is not the right way to do it!

Throughout the day, i expressed myself in a bad-ass way. Didn’t work, wasted time, got my team to do stupid tasks… even boss asked me why i was pissed off but he didn’t need an answer… did he?

So, the day came to an end like every other day has… and i proudly showed my middle finger to the setting sun and then around towards to skies to ‘inform’ that i had survived….. I had won!

But, I’ll remember this day ’24th of April, 2010′ for the rest of my life, and might as well narrate the historic day to my grandchildren (or whoever thinks i have stories to tell).  I’ll say: Remember kids, while everyone was asleep in their beds, i was putting on my shoes cursing my life…. and bosses…

 

P.S: though highly unlikely, i wonder if some woman from Karachi wrote a blog entry or tweeted: “Ouch! that asshole stepped on my feet and cracked two nails… and didn’t even apologize”.

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My little message on Earth Day

22 04 2010

Dear fellow earthlings,
The earth is in peril. Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, can no longer stand the terrible destruction plaguing our planet.
So, Please Please Please don’t destroy this beautiful earth, preserve it for the next generations so that they can preserve it for their next generations….
because this earth was not meant for us to destroy but it is the aliens’ destiny to destroy this blue shit-hole.

Remember what the prophecy of the mighty ape lord said? an excerpt says: ‘…On one 22nd of April, a giant pecker-shaped space ship will land this earth… and from it will emerge another giant pecker……  Those men n women who stand by it will be annihilated immediately….. those not around will die a slow painful death……’

So don’t steal the natural born right of the aliens by destroying this planet… let the aliens do it.

Thank You,
Your Friendly,

Captain Planet

 

 

 





My Mathematical Life

15 04 2010

People ask me, “How is life?”

I say: “Totally screwed up”

They say: “How?”

I say: “You wont understand”

 

So, here is how you explain life in my terms:

 

My Life revolves around work, you go to work and disappear for the whole day… when you get back, you realize that you gotta pay the bills and buy some food… so what you earn is spent on basic necessities.

So,

LIFE = EARNING MONEY + SPENDING MONEY     …………….. (1)

I Earn money by working my ass off at office

EARNING MONEY = WORK    …………….. (2)

My work, ah! talking of it gives me shivers….…. thanks to some multi-level mismanagement, my office life is nothing short of a shithole

WORK = SHIT HOLE      …………….. (3)

Thus, Equation (2) becomes:

EARNING MONEY = WORK = SHITHOLE  ……………. (4)

Once you earn, you gotta spend it on stuff like food, rent etc and these sellers/service providers are vultures that would not only rob you of your money but also feast on whats left on you.

SPENDING MONEY = PREY TO VULTURES    …………….. (5)

Thus, Substituting the values of (4) and (5)  in (1), we get:

LIFE = SHITHOLE + PREY TO VULTURES

– Q.E.D