Hypocrite to the core

21 05 2009

Typically, we pakis possess three of the lowest virtues ever existed in this human race. We are dishonest, hypocrite, and morally bankrupt. These virtues make us stand out of the crowd… far from any other nation with low virtues. The biggest hypocrite being none others than the defenders of the ‘religion’ themselves.
Every Friday afternoon, our vicious looking neighborhood mullah will stand up and will strongly condemn the most recent American drone attack in words that can only be termed as offensive. None that i ever know have ever stood up and condemned the brutal murder of people in Swat or other taliban dominated areas.
Our politicians and mullahs would proudly claim that U.S is the mother of all wickedness, the real bad-ass… but we (especially our ‘god-fearing’ lot) would send their children and would claim that foreign education would make their children better citizens to serve their home country better… and thats an other story that they would never come back for their country’s service, and in a few years when the kid is well settled in the land of opportunity, their dad would pack their bags and leave too, citing that its an opportunity from the God to do the right things in the land of sin.

Our government – just like the average citizen is breaking records of hypocrisy. After every suicide attack, they would ‘stress’ that it was done by non-locals (as if lucifer himself would step down and plant the bomb), but examination of bomber’s dental records and body parts would tell some different story.

The thing that really pissed me off recently was the lousy scum-on-the-earth taliban leader ‘Muslim Khan’ (just check out the name of this terrorist: Muslim & Pathan… just effing perfect). His group allegedly burned down and blew up more schools (both boys, girls and co-ed) than in the history of this country. The lame reason was being that the schools were promoting foreign traits by teaching the children English language. Now, a really interesting story has popped up. Apparently his own son is a student at Peshawar University where he studies English and studies in a co-education environment. When asked, the terrorist daddy said: "Oh, He is a disobedient son. He is studying without my permission".

Now, according to the book of modern taliban rules, any person who studies English, studies with ‘unknown’ women and above all studies without his parent’s consent, the only admissible punishment is death…. death by beheading – something that the taliban are very good at.

So, assuming that the Daddy & Friends Assassination Inc. is incapable of bringing that disobedient child to justice, the pissed-off people should (with the help of an equally pissed-off army, of course). Lets give that daddy khan a present for the Eid. The present of the disobedient son’s head – with a complementary DVD of the whole activity (starting with an introductory interview/confession on how naughty and disobedient the guy had been and finishing with the whole colorful proceeding of beheading ceremony with a blunt object).

What do you say khan jee?

 

P.S: I dedicate this post to the mighty hypocrite nation of Pakistan (yours truly included)

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Resume of Awesomeness

13 05 2009

Yeah, your mom says you are awesome. The mirror says you are awesome.
The 3 year old kid in the neighborhood says this too.
These echoes of awesomeness should now reach the world. But first, you need to find a job and for job you need a resume.
I am sure this ‘awesome’ resume template will let the prospective employer know how much ‘awesome’ you are….
Just create a resume with this template and feel like a superhero… ready to save the world!
http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/templates/TC300035221033.aspx?CategoryID=CT101448941033

P.S: I don’t know whether to laugh or be serious after looking at it. Use this resume at your own risk. 🙂

 BURHAN AHMAD

Hotmail® goes with you. Get it on your BlackBerry or iPhone.




Drone-Attacked!

10 05 2009

The drone had been flying around for quite some time now. As stealthily as it should have, it remained afloat till it spotted its target.
Its target – A guy in his late twenties was walking briskly alongside the road. He was carrying a cell-phone in his hand and was looking cautiously here and there to spot any suspicious people. The road was less crowded due to lack of any public transport and the time of the day was just past 8:00 AM.

The drone prepared for its assault, armed with the most effective biological weapons, it approached the target who seemed to be unaware of its presence. Once positioned, it let go of its payload which struck its target on his back. The drone carried on with its flight and didn’t bother to care what became of its victim.

It wasn’t until after lunch break when someone pointed to me that I had a poop-mark on the back of my shirt. The poop which had now dried up was clearly visible on my light green shirt. I clenched my fists, ground my teeth and cursed the bird that had pooped on me…. %^#$ YOU!!!

These ‘drones’ (commonly called birds) come in many sizes and shapes and don’t hesitate to drop their well-prepared mess on their poor victims. The most embarrassing situations are the ones when the victim doesn’t even get the hint of what has happened to them until someone else points out about some weird thing on their shirt. And the worst part? when you are being told about this mess in the middle of some meeting..
"Ummm, sorry Mr. ABC, but what’s that on your shirt??"
"oh crap, I am screwed".

This event was metaphorical as well. I was attacked on my back and the rest of me didn’t even had the hint of the mess that had happened to me. Isn’t this analogous to what’s happening in this country? A part of the country where real life drone aircrafts are dropping guided missiles on poor civilians and the bearded militants and army are engulfed in bloody battles in a paradise lost. and the rest of the country is yet in its forgetful slumber.

To us, everything is fine as far as your ass is not on the line

 

but not for long…. we’ll be forced to open our eyes one day not far from now and the first thing that we will see around will be rising smoke and deserted houses…. and a large billboard flashing these words for us:

"GAME OVER – YOU LOSE!"

 

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ONLY A SOLDIER’S GRAVE

7 05 2009

 

Only a soldier’s grave! Pass by,
For soldiers, like other mortals, die.
Parents had he — they are far away;
No sister weeps o’er the soldier’s clay;
No brother comes, with tearful eye;
It’s only a soldier’s grave — pass by.

True, he was loving, and young, and brave,
Though no glowing epitaph honors his grave;
No proud recital of virtues known,
Of griefs endured, or triumphs won;
No tablet of marble, or obelisk high; —
Only a soldier’s grave: — pass by.

Yet bravely he wielded his sword in fight,
And he gave his life in the cause of right!
When his hope was high, and his youthful dream
As warm as the sunlight on yonder stream;
His heart unvexed by sorrow or sigh; —
Yet, ’tis only a soldier’s grave: – pass by.

Yet, we should mark it — the soldier’s grave,
Some one may seek him in hope to save!
Some of the dear ones, far away,
Would bear him home to his native clay:
‘Twere sad, indeed, should they wander nigh,
Find not the hillock, and pass him by.

 By S.A. Jones

I stumbled upon this poem yesterday and decided to copy-paste it here.

(the original source can be found at: http://www.civilwarpoetry.org/confederate/soldierlife/grave.html)

I dedicate this to our brave soldiers who in the line of duty have fought and died in their own homeland against the rising militancy, so that we may sleep for one more night… I support them and would consider fighting alongside them if deemed necessary… NOT!

 





Things to do before Taliban take over

4 05 2009

So, it is writ.

Not too far in the future from this day, the land of the pure will be ruled by none but the "pure". While our glorious impotent military – "500,000 strong fauji jawaan" – are retreating like mice and calling it a ‘peace deal’, the bearded militants have reached a new height of power. Yes, I am talking about our upcoming rulers… the taliban.

Since everything will be already in ruin by the time they take over the presidential palace, I have compiled a list of fantasies that I need to fulfill before my right of enjoying a liberal life is stolen from me on gunpoint. I know everyone has his own fantasies, but here is my list:

  • Attend Rock Fests and bang my head all night long
  • Play as much sports as possible
  • Get myself tattooed and pierced
  • Make new and improved designs of my goatee…. :p
  • Go to theaters and watch as many movies as possible
  • Date a heck lot of chicks… hehehe
  • Get involved in gang-bang orgies…. oops 😉
  • See the world… and more party!
  • Earn Loads & Loads of money
  • Piss on the beard of some Taliban….. (resulting in fulfillment of my last fantasy)
  • And finally, die before I actually see them take over.

No matter what happens, what ever liberty am I deprived of…. nobody can steal one right … and it is my right to dream.

yawwwwwwwn! lets fulfill these fantasies in dreams…. good night!